I want to share a story I’ve told many times on Friday nights but I don’t remember mentioning it on Shabbat day. Since it has relevance for marriage, I thought it would be worthwhile to mention it on the eve of a wedding, but it has broader application as well.
Someone once asked R’ Moshe Shapiro, z”l, a question on a bus. The person sidled up next to him and asked, “What is the source for the idea that a person learning Torah is benefiting other people?” This is a fair question. This idea is the basis for resentment, mostly in Israel, but elsewhere as well. Anyone can see that learning is good for the person who is doing it, and for those around him. But it can be frustrating to people to hear that the claim is that it also helps others.
R’ Moshe began to quote the Talmud. “No Gemora,” the person quickly interjected. He didn’t want to hear any of that Rabbi stuff. He wanted to hear it from a verse. R’ Moshe asked him, “Do you accept the Dikduk of the Gra?” (the rules of grammar from R’ Eliyahu Kramer of Vilna). “Any grammar you want,” the man said.
So R’ Moshe explained that there is a difference between a “Sh’ela” and a “Bekasha.” They both seem to be asking for something. But there is a difference in the request. The Gra says, based on a verse in the Megillat Esther, that a “Sh’ela” is a personal request while a “Bakasha” is a request on behalf of others. Beginning in Elul, we will be saying a chapter of Tehillim twice a day that includes the verse, “Achat She’alti Me’et Hashem, Otah Avekesh” -- one thing I ask from Hashem, the thing I request, says David HaMelech: “Shivtee b’veit Hashem Kol Yemei Chayai,” to sit in the house of Hashem all of the days of my life. So you see that sitting in Hashem’s house is both a personal request and something that benefits others. I heard this story from a student of R’ Moshe, and he said that R’ Moshe added something when he was telling the story. This addition is relevant to our Parasha and it’s what I want to emphasize this morning. This grammatical distinction is also the basis for why the Talmud assertion that "everything is in the hands of Hashem except fear of Hashem." The verse in today’s Parasha says, “What does Hashem ask from us except to fear HIm.” The verb there is Sho’el. In other words, Hashem is asking for us to fear Him as a personal request because it is something He does not have. He has everything else, but that He needs to get from us.
The fear of Heaven being discussed here is more than fear of punishment. It is respect for Hashem. A specific component of that type of fear of Heaven, which is what we must generate without prompting from Hashem, also comes from this verse. The Gemora learns from this verse that we have a requirement to say 100 blessings per day. It’s based on no more than a hint, either because the word “Mah” can turn into “Meah” (100) or because there are 100 letters in the verse. On a normal day, it’s doable to get in 100 blessings. We Daven three times a day, we say the blessings in the morning, and we eat a few meals -- it works out.
As we go into Elul, and we’re looking for ways to strengthen our connection to Hashem, this is an important thing to keep in mind. There is no doubt that a major source of the development of a relationship with Hashem is the saying of Berachot (blessings). That is how one develops an appreciation for all we have. This respect can only be generated from us. It cannot really be dictated. It makes a big difference not just that we say blessings but how we say them. It is a commonplace to say about a relationship that the most important ingredient is communication. That has to do with the content, of course, because people have to share their lives with one another. But it also has to do with form. When a couple has hit a rough patch, one partner will say to the other, “I don’t need anything from you, but just speak nicely with me.” Not just the words but how they are said is critical. So it goes with Hashem. We are talking about daily communication. Not weekly and not, G-d forbid, once in a Rosh Hashana. It’s important that there be sincerity, and intention.
Berachot are easy to incorporate in one’s life. Sometimes, it is too easy. We start to make it part of the routine. Just as one needs cutlery, one needs to say a Beracha. But that’s not communication. If the Beracha is nothing more than the fulfillment of a requirement, like turning on the button of the microwave, then that is not a form of communication. But if it is heartfelt, it can open a real relationship. That’s what we need in Elul, and that can only come from us.
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